I am pretty sad to say this, but around October 4th, I had been to the doctor. It turns out my heart rate had gone up to 1.5x more than normal. So many things had happened, but the possible number 1 cause is a breakup with my RP partner which I have done with for over 9 years. My former partner just becoming more distant with me, avoid sharing her feelings and problems with me (which I tend to share my problems with her most of the time), and stops RPing with me for over 3 months... The same month when I had an arm fracture and was recovering. (Okay, the first 2 months were mutual) but after I recover my bone and surgery (which I can pick up my cat now without a problem), she just keeps saying not in a mood. I ask her if anything is wrong, but she's being kept in denial and avoid saying much to me like she use to. It really hurts my feelings and my self-esteem, feels like she stops and didn't care about me anymore even after my broken forearm. Just don't know how to deal with things without her now... Feels like she had lied to me that she was telling me that if we no longer chat again, she would feel very sad, but I don't see her grieved at all or even try to speak about it. That just makes it feel more deceptive and feels like I've been played like a fiddle again.
Though the doctor already gives me some drugs (ativan) to ease my anxiety issue. They seem pretty effective, as of course I use them by following the instructions on the bottle. Just don't know how could I live on at times... Just never had anyone like her... And don't know if I ever will.